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My Childhood Was Okay - Growing Up With Abuse & Neglect (Rant)

 I often look back at my life and analyze how I grew up. Did we have food in the house? Yes. Did we have clothes and a roof over our heads? Yes. Did we occasionally go on family trips? Yes. I go down the list and everything seemed fine, except... My dad punching holes in the wall when he was angry, my mother being frequently absent and not calling, my older sister beating the shit out of me and taking what she wanted because she could. Yeah, these are not healthy people. We didn't sit down to talk about our issues. My dad would give us gifts and hoped that smoothed things over, and continued to scream or throw a tantrum when things went wrong. My mother would see this and be dismissive, wouldn't do anything about it. My older sister lived in fear of our dad, and I suppose took her anger out on me. There I was; quiet and keeping to myself in my room. Escaping in my video games, my art, my books, etc. I always felt trapped. I always felt like I couldn't do anything. I thought...

Trust in the Process - Affirmation

Trust in the process, your guides are watching you.   Trust in the process, that you will make it through.   Trust in the process, that your dreams will come true. 

Calm & Focus - Affirmation

 To ease the mind, to calm the storm.   To ease the mind, to calm the storm.   To ease the mind, to calm the storm.   To every qualm, they'll be no more.   To every qualm, they'll be no more.   To every qualm, they'll be no more.   The thoughts at hand are now at rest.   The thoughts at hand are now at rest.   The thoughts at hand are now at rest.   Today we will do our best.   Today we will do our best.   Today we will do our best. 

Abundance & Love - Affirmation

 I open my heart and let them in.   I open my heart and let them in.   I open my heart and let them in.   What once I believed was a sin.   What once I believed was a sin.   What once I believed was a sin.   The pinks and greens I let flow in.   The pinks and greens I let flow in.   The pinks and greens I let flow in.   Today my new life shall begin.   Today my new life shall begin.   Today my new life shall begin. 

Lost & Found - Affirmation

 What once was lost will soon be found.   What once was lost will soon be found.   What once was lost will soon be found.   The connection grows stronger with each passing day.   The connection grows stronger with each passing day.   The connection grows stronger with each passing day.    What once was mine will be mine again.   What once was mine will be mine again.   What once was mine will be mine again. 

Mine

 This body is mine.   This mind is mine.   This heart in mine.   I can choose not to hear your opinion.   I can only do so much if you do not put in the effort.   I can rescind and change my mind.   Your opinions are yours.   Your reactions are yours.   Your emotions are yours.   I cannot let your opinions be mine.  I cannot control your reactions.   I cannot fix your emotions.    I will not let you control me.   I will not let you persuade me.  I will not let you lead me down your path.   So says the forces that be, the spirits that guide me, and the deities that I worship.   No one will sway me ever again. 

I want him to...

I want him to cover me in warm oil, taking his time with his hands. His hands gliding down my waist, to my thighs, teasing my mound, and back up again. My body draped over him, back pressed against his chest, so small compared to the mountain that he is. I dance in his hands, my song made of moans and sighs. Just as I feel myself about to drift off, I can feel him inside of me. Filling me to every inch. He lays me down on the bed, my face pressed against the sheets. He's forceful but not too rough. There's power in every thrust, he takes his time. I can feel him inside of me and his hands on my hips, and that's it. Everything else feels like it's floating. The moans get louder. I can feel it coming from deep inside of me. That white hot flame growing and growing. He leans over me, lips to me ear. He wants me, he says that I feel amazing, that I smell like butter and honey. His words while sweet, melt and become incomprehensible. I'm so close. My brain can't focu...